Keep Calm and Sort It Out

Imagine you and a friend both want to choose the game at break time. You want to play football. Your friend wants to play tag. Neither of you will budge — and now you both feel cross. Sound familiar? Almost everyone has a disagreement at some point. The interesting question is: what do you do next? Think about a time you disagreed with someone. How did it feel in your body? Did your heart beat faster? Did you feel hot or tense?

A disagreement happens when two or more people want different things, or see a situation in different ways. Disagreements are normal — they happen in every friendship, family, and classroom. The important thing is not whether you disagree, but HOW you handle it. When a disagreement starts, your brain can feel like a fire alarm going off. That feeling is real, but it can make you say or do things you later regret. The first step is always to PAUSE. **Step 1 — Pause and breathe.** Take a slow, deep breath in for four counts, then breathe out for four counts. This calms your body so you can think clearly. **Step 2 — Use an 'I' statement.** Instead of saying 'You always do that!' (which sounds like an attack), say 'I feel upset when…' This tells the other person how you feel without blaming them. They are less likely to get defensive. **Step 3 — Listen to understand.** After you speak, give the other person a turn. Really listen — do not just wait for your chance to talk again. Nod to show you are paying attention. **Step 4 — Look for a compromise.** A compromise means both people give a little so that both can get something they want. In the game example, you and your friend could play five minutes of football and five minutes of tag — a fair deal for both. **Step 5 — Agree and move on.** Once you reach a solution, let go of the bad feeling. Holding on to anger makes the disagreement last longer than it needs to.